Fangoria Presents: Badasses of Horror: Part One
From Fangoria.com: If you want to talk about badass crap, you really can’t do a hell of a lot worse than the horror genre. Whether it’s crazy Eastern Europeans with slicked-back hair and overly developed canine teeth chomping down on the necks of scantily clad maidens or demented, murderous psychopaths running around in body armor made from human skin and carving X’s into the chest cavities of wayward coeds with gasoline-powered gardening implements, horror never seems to disappoint when it comes to violent homicide or paint-bombing dungeon walls with a thick coat of crimson substances. Therefore, in an effort to promote my new book BADASS: A RELENTLESS ONSLAUGHT OF THE TOUGHEST WARLORDS, VIKINGS, SAMURAI, PIRATES, GUNSLINGERS, AND MILITARY COMMANDERS TO EVER LIVE (in which I talk about such real-life badasses as the notorious Vlad the Impaler; see the trailer here), I will attempt to discuss some of the toughest heroes and villains the genre has to offer.
Now, I would never for a moment presume to try and dictate a definitive list of anything horror-related to a fan base as rabid as FANGORIA’s, so please allow me a brief caveat before I get too much further along in this process. I will say only that these are among my own personal favorites, and in no way an attempt to quantify or rank horror-movie badasses in any order other than chronologically. In the presumably likely event that you disagree with my decisions, I strongly encourage you guys to utilize the comments section below to express how brain-crushingly unfathomable it is that I didn’t include your favorite movie, character, fictional person, artificial construct, clothing article or food product on this list.
Abraham Van Helsing (DRACULA, 1897)
badassesofhorror1vanhelsingThese days, it seems like you can’t chuck a crucifix into a crowded room without accidentally impaling some crappy vampire-centric romantic comedy/drama about a dark, brooding, impeccably dressed blood-chugging metro douchebag flitting about in the woods with his whiny high-school girlfriend and talking about forbidden love ad nauseum, until pretty much everyone watching wants to barf up whatever is left of their rapidly shriveling brain cells. Well, back in the day (and by “the day,” of course I mean the late 19th century), everybody just thought vampires were complete bastards good for only one thing: getting pointy wooden stakes rammed through their chests at high velocity by Abraham Van Effing Van Helsing. This grizzled, hardass old Dutch physician/cryptozoologist/crazy occult genius dedicated his long and single-purposed life to training his mind and his body in the fine art of murdering the undead with extreme prejudice all the way up their cadaverous asses, and he was so good as his job that nowadays, his name is pretty much synonymous with stomping vampires’ balls into a thick marinara-like sauce smelling faintly of garlic and failure.
via Badasses of Horror: Part One.
Tags: Abraham Van Helsing, Back Hair, Body Armor, Canine Teeth, Chest Cavities, Clothing Article, Comedy Drama, Crowded Room, Eastern Europeans, Fangoria, Fictional Person, Gardening Implements, Gunslingers, heroes, Heroes And Villains, Horror, Horror Genre, Horror Movie, Human Skin, Romantic Comedy, Thick Coat, van helsing, Vlad The Impaler